aaron

Sat, 02 Mar 2002 23:43:42 GMT

Just took a personality test based on picking colors. It is crazy how accurrate these things can be. My results are below. Its at www.colorgenics.com

You don't need anxiety and problems. All you really seek is a conflict free environment which can offer peace and mental security. You don't like the idea of being alone and whatever the reason.. at this time of your life you feel as if you are being "left out". What you really need is perhaps some "tender loving care"...

You are a leader and possibly at this tine in a position of authority. But you are experiencing problems ... You are not quite sure how to handle the present situation .. .

Although you are, deep down, a very caring person ... you are very particular in the choice of friends and indeed very demanding at times. You can be most quarrelsome and controversial ... and it is because of this argumentative trait you can at times explode into open conflict - conflict with even those you may care for and love. It is because of this inherent argumentative streak in you that may have resulted in broken hopes and dreams.......

You are an emotional, sincere and impressionable individual experiencing frustration and unnecessary stress... You are carried away by other peoples enthusiasm and looking for that idealised relationship, be it in a business or personal situation which you are able to share with a mutual depth of understanding.You have lowered your defences in the past .. and you have been hurt ... so you are now extremely wary of being exploited. You are still ready to trust people on condition that they are prepared to offer you proof of their sincerity.

You are inclined to be too trusting and you feel that you need to be on your guard against the possibility that your endeavours and actions may be misunderstood. Too often you have been taken advantage of and you have been mentally abused. Now you are seeking a relationship which can provide peace of mind, where you can be yourself and not have the need to put on a false front...

Sat, 02 Mar 2002 07:56:13 GMT

Saw 40 days and 40 Nights tonight. Decent flick with a bunk ending. Anyways. It inspired me. Im attempting to 40 days and 40 nights without getting any ass or jerkin off. I can do it. I am strong willed and what not. I can make it through this. So here's to 40 days of celibacy. Rock and Roll.

I will get by.

Fri, 01 Mar 2002 05:36:39 GMT

Today was a good day. No Class. Did some work. Did some music. Rock and Roll.

Talked to one of my favorite people today. Havent spoken to her in a month or so. And I was pretty worried that I had lost her. But all is gravy. Things are cool again and Im happy.

I find it frustrating to write in this when i am happy. Nothing to bitch about. neah

I hope I remain happy.

Rock and Roll

Mon, 25 Feb 2002 06:56:47 GMT

Insomnia.

I wish she were here. Then this feeling would subside. Then I could sleep.

ugh.

i hate girls.

Mon, 25 Feb 2002 06:09:43 GMT

The Laziness of a Journal is kicking in. Its been a few days. But hey. At least Im back. Anyways. I had a fairly enjoyable weekend. The Royal Rumble was definatley a high point. Its always good bonding to 'rassle. However. I have to defend the intergender belt against Carlyn next weekend. Have I bit off more than I can chew???? we'll find out.

How bout big thoughts for the weekend? not too many. I didnt do much thinking this weekend. i took an IQ test. and my number was 141. That means im smarter than 90% of people my age apparently. At least now i have it writing. muah ah ah aha.

i dont know. slow weekend. no boozing. need to run. new school week. more classes. spring break is near. horrah.

Thu, 21 Feb 2002 00:17:57 GMT

Opera. I have never given it a serious listen until today. The shit is amazing. Talk about sheer emotion. By not being able to understand what message the singer is trying to convey through the words, all it leaves you is the emotion of the voice. And let me tell ya. This is amazing. I havent heard music this passionate in a LONG time. The song Im listening to right now is called "Con Ti Partiro", which translates to time to say goodbye. And as I listen to it. I get that feeling of sadness one feels when they say goodbye to a loved one. But as the peice progresses, it turns the feeling of sadness of goodbye into something wonderful and magic. Its hard to explain but its one of the more powerful peices I have ever heard. Amazing.

Today was a great day for whatever reason. The sun wasnt shining, but the air was warm. I went to class, and enjoyed it for the most part. Its crazy. One day can be really shitty, and the next day can be really great. This has been the best school day I've had in a long time. I didnt do anything major, yet it was a wonderful day. Today was a day about appreciating the simpler things of life. The laying down in the middle of the afternoon, but not taking a nap. The beauty of a warm day, but having the sun nowhere in site. I dont know. I went running in the ghetto today. And that wasnt as bad of a place as I thought it was going to be. It was kind of nice. I saw lots of people on the street talking, and socializing. I got the vibe of a sense of community.

Things have been really quiet on the floor still. Everynight we say that we are going to do something big and "fuck shit up," yet every night we do nothing. I dont know. I always feel like I need to be doing things. But Im finally getting used to doing nothing. Its not so bad once you let go and go with the flow. When you let go of control and just let things happen, I think you worry less and can enjoy things more and more. I dont know.

Its like that old Ice Cube Song. "Today was a good day."

suggested download: con ti partiro - andrea bocelli.

If you cant find it, IM me and i'll send it in a second. Nothing Else Though.

Bounce!

Wed, 20 Feb 2002 06:56:12 GMT

Its nice to have a real conversation with someone and get away from the bullshit. Thanks.

Wed, 20 Feb 2002 05:01:37 GMT

A very quiet night. I dont know what the heck is going on here. Its like the life has been sucked out of everything. No suite parties. No miscreant antics. Nothing. People are getting sick and sleeping more because of it. The all nighters followed by 7am breakfasts have been next to non existant this semester. I kinda miss them.

Its a couple weeks til spring break. I think im just goona go home. Monreal has broken my bank account and I have no cash to go anywhere. Unfortunate. But hey. I had my fun.

The winter depression is subsiding. It was nice to come back to warm weather. It was almost 50 degrees at one point today. It is refreshing to walk outside and not have to wear a coat to class. The little things like that can make your day. I dont know. Nothing big happened today. No big thoughts going on in my head.

I need to do laundry. That is the goal for tomorrow. Laundry. Ive been saying it for weeks now. But tomorrow. Laundry.

Thats it.

The End.

Tue, 19 Feb 2002 07:51:30 GMT

Oh Canada. Land that I love.

Such a true statment.

Canada was the shiznit. I couldnt believe that it all came together to make the incredibly awesome trip I wanted it to be. Even when little bumps in the road came up, we managed to figure something out. Because stuff always works out for us that way. I dont know. It was good though.

Montreal marked the first weekend of legal drinking. We went to some of the chillest bars I have ever been to. Konrads is shit compared Stogies or Piel's. But that shit doesnt matter. Its just the superificial bullshit side of the trip. The real joy of the trip was the bonding I had with the people I went. I can say for the most part that I am a LOT closer and have more respect for the majority I went up with. I saw a lot of these kids at their best with their "A" game on and it was incredible. Sometimes you just need to get away from the regularity of things to see people break their cycles and let their real selves show.

I needed to get away for the weekend. after a whole week of quiet desperation, I was feeling pretty shitty. But Montreal. Fuckin A Brother. It was rejuevenating. As Brent says, "I was born again." For an entire weekend I forgot about all my problems and nothign mattered. It was the happiest Ive been in a LONG time. I dont really want to get into what happened on the trip. A lot was good, but there was a dash bullshit here and there. But hey. Its their lives and they can do what they want. Im not going to judge, but its hard to turn your head to things when you knew they were going to happen. Its not my deal I know. But whatever.

But its good to be back in 'da cuse. All day in class I just kept thinking about Montreal and how I needed to get back to it. Thats what sucks about having a great experience. The days that follow seem so dull and insignificant. But its like that quote in Blow. "When your up. Things are never as good as they seem. And when your down. You never think you're goona get back up again." Its so true. Im going to try as hard as I can not to let the monotony of dorm life to bring me down again, because I know I CAN be happy. So thats my goal for the week.

I hate the AIM. But I wont sign off. Its weird. I want to talk to certain people, but I dont IM mainly because of the fact that they don't IM me. Its really weird I know. I dont want to seem like the weird online dork who IMs people constantly and cant take the hint that they dont want to be talked to. And i know the people I want to IM are good people as well, and that they wont "reject" me or anything. I just dont want to be the one to start things off. Its odd. Its like the people who are on your speed dial. The people you keep on the speed dial are the ones that matter. The ones you dont, are just acquantances that will merely float away at some point in time. I dont know. Whatever. Im tierd.

Final thought on montreal.

"Some take delight in fishing and boating.
Others take delight in the carriage of rowing.
I take delight in the juice of the barley.
Courting pretty women in the morning so early"

-Whiskey in the Jar.

Good Night

Fri, 15 Feb 2002 04:19:52 GMT

Ah Valentines Day.

A holiday of holidays.

Valentines day is a holiday that I dont really understand. It is the only holiday where doing what you are supposed to do is considered romantic. Its all the same for all people. If you are a girl with some sort of dude in your life, you expect them to do the whole flowers, candy, card, come and get your kiss whole bit. And if they dont do it, it obviously shows that they dont care. Horrendous. I thought part of being romantic was doing things differently than everyone else. Not Today. If you do the bare minimum of what is expected, you are considered a great guy. I dont know. The day wasnt that bad, but the whole holiday concept is a bit disheartening. I dont want to dwell on it any longer. My pal Dan said it best. "Valentines day is a day for idiots with more money than originality."

12 hours from now and I am going to be in Montreal wiht some pals. This is goona be a great weekend/bonding experience.

Philosophy test tomorrow. Must Study.

Sopranos Season 3.

Live Phish Volumes 7-12

Moe. tickets for April 18th.

Dave tickets for April 19th.

Need More Money.

Need Job For More Money.

ugh.

Montreal Tomorrow.

Maybe'll I write again before Monreal. Maybe I won't. But its goona be a crazy weekend. I need everyone to do two things:

1) Hope I dont get arrested

2) Pray for me.

Godspeed John Glenn

Thu, 14 Feb 2002 07:05:24 GMT

There is something self satisfying about being drunk. I'll leave it at that.

I hardly ever get drunk on school nights. But tonight. I dont know., I just needed to..

Today was weird. I was struck by a wave of creativity. I was sitting here. ANd things just seemed to flow out of me. But when i recorded them. And made the music to the words. I don tknow. It sounded t4oo much like weezer. And it dep[ressed me. Because it made me realize how much of a hypicrite I am. All year I have been convincing myself about how musical I am and how much better I can be than everybody else. But when I finally am able to make my stuff. It soudns like something already done. It sucks. I am a copy cat. I need to stick to it thoguh. To get those original tunes/genres out of me. I know I can make something that hasnt been done before. I am ot just some persomn who is a copy cat of somethign already in existance.

I overslept for my classes today. I couldnt sleep last night. THe last time i looked at the clock was eight thirty am, But when I woke up. It was fuckin 2 in the afternoon. IU was so pissed. Oh well. Musicc class was cancelled As basic as it is. Its the onbly class that means something to me. Everything else is bullshit. Maybe its because Im drunk and I dont knwo what Im writing about. or maybe it really is worthless. I donj tknow. i just wish I was doing something tha t I wa pasionate about.

There was a dating game in the fookin lobby today. It was horrendous. THe old retarded jeff threatened the life of an RA. It made be happy to see him flip out and lknow that i didnt cause it. God damn im sick.

I am growing sick. ANdi it couldnt come at a worse time. Montreal tis this weekend and I am growing sicker by the day. It started with head aches and hnow it is moving torwards a sinus infection. ugh. I hate being sick. I feel so worthless when i am sick. I shoudnt have drhnank to night but I needed to kill that bottle of cuervo.

Jen conronted me about the lat jourrnal entry;l I thion k things willl remain coo lebtween us but we'll see what hap-p0eens. i feel bad tha ti hurt her, but then again I cant help the ay I feel. ugh. A double edged sowerrd.

I need to sleep. And forget about everything. po Writing when you are drunk is not th ebst thing, but it gets rid of all iunhibitions. ugh. class tomorrow. i hope i make it. until then.

Lach,

Wed, 13 Feb 2002 11:10:46 GMT

An Online Journal. How very Doogie Howserish.

I dont know why I am doing this. But Whatever. I figure this could be a nice little outlet to get rid of the annual winter depression and go off on a few rants about my day.

I dont know why I am depressed. It seems that every winter for the past six years, I become depressed. Why? I dont know. I dont have much to be depressed about. I have a roof over my head, clothes on my back, food on my plate, and money in my pockets. I am surrounded by people I enjoy and am still in contact with those other people who are far away from me. I am out here on my own doing what makes me happy, yet I am not happy.

Let me try to define what I mean by happy. I dont mean all smiles all the time, but a feeling of contentment. I am not content with my life right now. I feel that there is so much more that I could be doing. Its odd. I love college and everything, but this place sucks the creativity out of everything. Everyone here is the same. And even the people who I thought were different, and had a few unique qualities about them that made them stand out. They are all the same too. People need to be accepted by the group in order to feel secure here. And to be accepted by the "group" you need to do what the cool kids do. Dress how they dress. Talk how they talk. Do what they do. Its like the bullshit of highschool I thought I was escaping all over again.

I saw Annie Hall today in Writing. It was a very true to life movie. Meaning that you won't always get the girl, you won't always get what you want, and there arent always happy endings. It was just kind of refreshing to get away from the required happy ending that movies now adays portray. It had a great quote in the end that got me thinking. It was something to the extent of "we make things perfect in art because it is easier than making them in reality." Its so true. Any form of art, whether visual, textual, or performance is an escape from reality. Thats why I love making music. I get the control of making a world of how I want it to be. I get to play God so to say. That sounds so horrendous and self serving.

Ive been playing the piano a lot more. Its a nice outlet. There is something about making music that soothes a troubled mind. If I had my way. I would play music all the time.

Tomorrow is Wednesday, which means it is squat day. I loathe squats. I dont think I am going to go to math tomorrow. I will go for a run instead. Tire my body out so I can sleep at night because insomnia is starting to strike.

Montreal is this weekend. Its probably going to be the craziest weekend of my life. Legal drinking and My crazy antics and tomfoolery do not mix well with one another. The goal is to not get arrested. oh yeah. did i mention that i am driving people there. heh. who would have thunk it. I hope Brendy and Jen arent hooking up with each other on this trip. When we planned it out, it was supposed to be a "road trip with the guys" type thing. And at the time, to me at least, Jen was one of the guys. But now that she is hookin up with brendan, her role in my eyes has changed from "one of the guys" to "the girl Brendy is hookin up with." And I think that might add a little bit of weirdness to it all. but whatever. I know I shouldnt care, but I've seen it all happen before. I just hope that they can find a way to be cool with one another when all is said and done.

Anyways. Its 6:10am and I have music in the morning. WHich means another 50 minutes of learning about basic music/computer technology. ::sigh:: where is the challenge? teach me something new. We'll see if I stick to this online journal thing or if it just fades away like everything else.